My Entrepreneurial Journey…

My Entrepreneurial journey has not been an easy one, a consistent one or a reliable one… But, it WILL be, if others can do it, so can I! 🔥
It has been up and down, frantic and slow, picking up pace but also grinding to a halt; it’s been going for 12 years so far… and I am not giving up - yet! If at all! Because, my number one value is Freedom, and so I have this tenacious drive to just keep f*cking going… Because it has been so up and down and I have tried SO many ventures, it’s not been until this latest one that I really feel aligned with my soul, heart and what I can bring to the world. I am not ready to let it go yet, as I have only truly really been pursuing my soul purpose for a year or so… So watch this space!

I guess it started, or at least my earliest memory of it was when I was 10 or 11 and I organised, with the help of my teacher, a Bring and Buy Sale, that Blue Peter used to run, or they do. I can’t even remember why, it seemed like a great thing to do, as I loved doing sponsored cycles etc for charity, it must have been to raise money for charity as I remember going to Barclays with my teacher after the event and giving the money to them. And, I’m sure at the time I had this thought of “that money could be mine…”, “Hmm… I wonder how I can earn money like this, not from a ‘job’”, “Is this how I can help the world? Make money and help?” Suffice to say, I absolutely loved it, I was in my element of organising, making sure things ran smoothly. It was a great success and it definitely lit something up in me. I loved the idea of doing something that was raising money to help a cause in some way. And no one else was doing it, which was weird, because it seemed totally normal to me and I just felt like I was living, being part of something bigger than myself.

I always knew deep down I wasn’t designed for 9-5 (I know because I tried it), working for someone else, on their schedule, that surely I could earn money through my passions and gifts, but I had no idea how… At the time it was all the big names of men, Richard Branson, Steve Jobs etc, so there wasn’t much influence of how women had pursued their dreams and empires. We had the likes of Florence Nightingale and Mother Theresa, incredible work, but not in the same way as the men. So it wasn’t always easy to know if I could succeed being female (conditioning), but surely it was possible. I also remember so well. the time my science teacher was telling us “one day you’ll have to get a job like me and work 40 hours a week”, I was thinking “hell bloody no”, this makes no sense, she’s clearly stressed, projecting, not a great example and why work 40 hours in a building that isn’t your home and you’re paying for a mortgage on a home that you spend less time in… This made no sense to me as a 14 year old, there had to be a better way! Others have done it, so surely it’s possible… (I have to add that their are those that love 9-5 somewhere and that’s totally okay, everything is allowed).

I knew at around 11 or 12 I had healing abilities, (weirdly always resonated with Super Hereos and saving the planet from evil forces, making it a safer better place). But, how does a 12 year old know how to nurutre and harness these gifts? I had no idea, only this feeling of one day I would. Nothing in my hometown facilitated such gifts and sadly my parents at the time couldn’t help; it was the beginning years of my Dad going into a deep depression and isolation period labelled ME or Chronic Fatigue, so I was at a loss with what to do with this knowledge and gift. In my heart I felt this message of “your time will come”. My brother and I got it, and talked about it, but again, we didn’t truly know how to harness our gifts. There wasn’t a cool school or club to attend that taught you how to use them or strenthen them… So for a few years I just did life, went to state school, had many jobs, did courses, but always felt kinda lost, nothing really grabbed me for long, I was always needing more stimulation, challenges, knowledge etc. I was interested in SO much, passionate about so many things, yet always knew something inside me wanted to come out, or be heard, or be expressed, but again I didn’t really know what this “thing” inside of me was.

Also, as a young adult the Glastonbury scene wasn’t quite the way I wanted to go, I wanted to bridge the two worlds, but I didn’t know how, I couldn’t then describe these two worlds, other than now I can call them the spiritual energy realm and this realm, the 3D world we live in. I could feel they were often disconnected in everything I did, like I was living between 2 worlds, but I didn’t know what they were, just a feeling. It was just this feeling and knowing. No longer wanting to keep things seperate in life, spiritual vs. real world. So, I just carried on with life… until I decided to start travelling and working abroad at 24, where it all changed for me…
I go gaslit by my employer as a nanny in NY, got really exhausted and sick in the French Alps, my Mum got sectioned, then my Brother took his life, he checked out of this 3D world when I was 26, and then I fell into being self-employed and trained to be a beauty therapist. But, I had become a ‘broken’ person, but as my quote says: ‘It’s never too late… We are never permanently broken, lost or unfixable. We just need some time, love of self, acceptance of self and the right help to put the pieces of self back together to create a new you, the REAL YOU, because the old you needed to get broken for the truth of you to emerge’.

It’s really all thanks to my, then beauty therapist, now friend, that I fell into it. I had tried a business course before, thinking I might get into my creativity, sewing and selling things (it’s weird because back then I had such a focus on being a wife, sewing and selling things, having a business and bringing up kids, suffice to say, that never happened, or at least not all of it…).
I did really enjoy beauty therapy (I only do a handful of regular clients now and the odd pamper party, it’s actually a really physical job, very tiring and 2020/Covid certainly put me on a different trajectory) because I got so much out of making others feel better. It was years later that I realised I was really good at listening and feeding back to others, through using my intuition, I just didn’t know I was. I had many clients say I would make a great counselor or therpist, but I knew that wasn’t the way for me, then a few years ago when I was studying to be a High Sensory Coach, a client had said: “you’d make a great life coach”, which I agreed with delight: “Yes! That’s exactly what I am training to be” and seemed naturally good at. So many of my life experiences have enabled me, plus being an Empath, to really feel how others are feeling and using my intuition to give them support or guidance. I can just feel when they are not being true to themselves, when they are making decisions based on their logic, conditioning or external expectations, when they are not aligned with their soul, purpose and passions etc. It’s funny really, as I had such an issue with the label coach, it took a me a while to own that that was me. Amazing what preconceptions and judgements can do to a word.

So before the last few years I tried 17 avenues ( I counted this last year), “tried” some for 12 years some for 12 weeks etc,.
Some entrepreneurs fall into their ‘thing’ fairly early on or fairly easily, some of us, not so, some of us later in life and some of us after trying many things. It really doesn’t matter, because are all supposed to be different. Don’t get me wrong, I wish I knew years ago which direction to go in.
Looking back, I was denying myself being me, but then I was still stuck in post trauma and grief for several years. Putting others before me was chronic for me. I was not listening to myself or meeting my needs at all. I was also dealing with abandonment issues after my traumas. I bounced between having courage and lack of courage for a long time, back then, no one really knew the steps out of trauma and grief is individual and I did deny my feelings for some time, on and off. I didn’t know what to Google… I was just suffering with depression and anxiety and playing a kinda waiting game. Plus, I was in an unhealthy relationship which would often add to my drained energy, anxiety and when I was trying to pursue my things, I got sucked into my ex’s business and ran that for nearly 2 years as operations and accounts manager, while also seeing beauty clients and working in a Spa, yes, I often worked 7 days a week, as I had been conditioned or believed the story that every successful person MUST work 6-7 days a week to become successful, the grind, force yourself to success the masculine way, so it felt like a ‘rite of passage’ that I needed to take. And that one I would be rewarded, but I did know in my heart, my life is yet to begin, this isn’t ‘it’. I knew this wasn’t right… But, again making decisions were not coming easy as I just wanted any comfort to soothe and recover, but it’s finding that balance between recovering and gently pursuing what brings you joy and feds your soul.

I had also tried 2 MLM businesses to no avail, I did the numbers, but again, the divine had other plans for me. I realise they were choice points, but I still didn’t know about my ‘soul purpose’ at this point, although I could have pursued my creativity more, I got sucked into believing, “yeah, build a business that I can earn money from, then live my life, my passions…” I still had it wrong, my heart was not in it, plus I wasn’t always listening to my intuition, I was just going with the flow of it all (because I thought that was what I was meant to do, just go with opportunities, don’t turn things down, surrender etc). But, I had misunderstood so many teachings I had read, it’s like I got everything backwards. Never a dull moment with me! Yes, we need to surrender to the human experience, but we also need to ask ourselves why we do anything in life, is it from obligation, people pleasing, necessity, joy, gut feeling? I did not ask myself why enough…
I still had limiting beliefs because of my PTSD, conditioning, grief (I hadn’t had a break or fully recovered from my traumas, my ex was, bless him, regularly re-traumtising me with his behaviour), I didn’t have self-worth, self-love, I was disconnected with self, I was lost, I didn’t have any boundaries and I didn’t even know what they were, I was people pleasing, I didn’t know my core values. I was being an unhealthy version of me, I was living as a false version of me.
I was a lost, broken person, trying to build a business, a finanacial foundation based on broken foundations of myself. I had lost myself completely, so of course none of my endeavours were going to really work if my heart wasn’t in it.

So, last year when I realised my beauty therapy wasn’t picking up after Covid and actually I had a feeling of ‘the wind is changing direction’ for me; after 10 years I was ready for a change. Plus, 2020 was the ending of a lot of things for me, a bad relationship, ending of my false self, moving home to my folks annex, it was an ending but also a beginning; of the rest of my life reconnected with my soul and my intuition. It was time to get back to being the real me, with some scars but a lot of knowledge. I also need to recover in 2020, it had been an exhausting 10 years for me. It wasn’t a pretty year 2020, I had some internal shit to work through and it’s just been relentless in a good way since. Lot’s of healing, peak experiences like feeling myself expand 400 yards out of my body, heightened states of awareness, it’s been eventful and loved it all, even if it was painful at times. Healing hurts, it’s not easy, but the other side is truly worth it!

Now, I ask myself why I do things, I know my boundaries, I value myself, I prioritise self-care, I live from the heart (which were some of the last words my brother said to me), I am always trying to be in integrity and I am expressing myself, my experiences, healing and helping others to do the same. Living life that’s right for them, finding their passions, making decisions from the heart, living a soul-led happy life.

Your expression of self is so important, you are important, you matter in this world.

Freedom of self is your birth right, just like joy, happiness and abundance.

Until next time, keeping checking in with yourself, ask yourself why you’re doing anything in life, is it for you, for others, is it taking you a step further in the direction you want to go? Listen to your heart, your intuition.

Much love 💖✨🔥