Life hasn't turned out how I thought it would... but that's OK!
So yeah, by now (aged 36) I thought I would have a husband, child/children, my own home and ideally my own business/form of income. Suffice to say only one of these has been mildly achieved and I am still working on that (got a career transition thing going on), so the form of income isn’t where I’d like it to be, but it will be!! “nothing worth having comes easy” right?! As frustrating as that is.
Or… is this the bullshit story/idea that society has been feeding me my whole life and I have been a sucker to believe in this story (that will one day happen, giving me fulfillment, meaning and a place in the world as a woman who bred) and now I am grieving it may never happen (at least not the way I was sold it) or have I actually done a really sneaky good job of avoiding “the system” and it’s BS?! Because I have had a knowing I need Freedom, Independence and Adventure being a HSP who is HSS (High Sensation Seeking) and that deep down my knowing told me children will never fulfill me in the way society says it will. My Pa did always advise me, when I asked him about kids and guys when I was a teenager, that he recommended I have a child with a guy that I felt was good enough to be the father of my children. Suffice to say I am yet to meet this human because I think my standards are way too high (typical HSP trait), and I have often been “waiting” for the right “circumstances” or ideals to be in place to justify creating another human on this already over populated planet. Not to mention was I ever “ready” for motherhood?! I still feel like I am preparing for life, let alone in a position to teach another being to maximise their place and being in this world, that is full of some crazy ass bullshit that’s destroying this planet in the process.
Oh, what a rant! Gosh, I am only getting started my friends. Wait until this white light of a being really goes to town on how ridiculous it thinks humanity is and has done since she was 5, sat in the playground watching her peers, thinking “WTF is this shit show and why am I here?! - AGAIN”
Well, I think that’s me for today, got plenty more I want to share with you that I am scared and excited to, as my thoughts are quite strong at times, but all from a deep place of love and light. No judgement, just utter frustration and flubbergastedness over these human beings that enter my life and hopefully exit as quickly!
I am undergoing a massive spiritual/soul alignment/awakening stage in my life at present, thanks to the awesome help of Willow with Inluminance and Julie Bjelland with her courses and community. These awesome souls specialise in the High Sensory Person/Highly Sensitive Person, we are 20% of the population with Sensory Processing Sensitivity, Yup, basically we are a super human! No more important than the 80%, but our role/gift on this planet IS important. I had a lovely breakdown/breakthrough in November 2021 where I finally learnt and accepted I was a person with High Sensory Intelligence.
Until next time…
Chao for now mes amis!
Much Love
Elisha xxx
